Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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