she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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