I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
