How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
