I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
