Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
