yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
