"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
