Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i dont even know how to be here
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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