She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
