I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
