Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
