You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
