I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
