when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize