She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
