It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize