YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
