so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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