After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
