I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
