I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
