she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
