He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
