I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He kissed a someone with a penis
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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