I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
