Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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