I think I won the penis lottery.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
