The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
