I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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