I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
