i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
