I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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