Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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