Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize