Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
