help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize