Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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