she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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