maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
