my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
