If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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