my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
