i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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