if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
