He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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