I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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