Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
