Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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