I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
