How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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