Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize