listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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