Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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