im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
