now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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