I'm lost and stupid without you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
