just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
