I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
