Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
