there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
