he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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