yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
