this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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